Fighting the fear

When I was going through my accreditation in change training one of the tutors made a statement that will stick with me forever - 'grown ups are just tall children'. Simple as it is I'd never thought in this way before and it gave me a new view on life. Suddenly I had an explanation for pretty much all adult human behaviour! 

As I have been going through my return to work having had 10 months maternity leave, I've felt really aware that I am experiencing the need to fight the fear (for a variety of reasons) and all too aware that I'm a tall(ish) child. The extremes of feelings when someone 'holds your hand' or leaves you feeling bewildered and not sure what's happening can be a dicey time. It has made me take stock of who I have around me and the kind of person I'm becoming - these changes, I'm beginning to realise are making me shape into a new person. 

There are some things about me that will fundamentally never change - my family comes first, I have an infatuation with stationary, I love being outside and I'm unable to go into a supermarket without a list that is written in the order I walk through the store (normal/not normal, delete as you see fit). However there are so many things I wouldn't have anticipated and for me that is what is causing the need to fight the fear. Fear that I want my career journey to be different but I'm not quite sure how I'll navigate it. Fear that I'm going to be pigeon-holed as 'a mum'. Fear that I might miss something my little girl does for the first time. Fear that I'll miss something at work! The list goes on, but the solutions are becoming clearer every day, but I'm having to work hard to remind myself that I do have the resilience to get through it. 

Are you fighting the fear of anything right now? Does everything seem to be coming at once? Is there a leap of faith you need to take but you keep putting off? Here are some questions to help get your thinking moving:

- what is it that I'm actually fearful of?

- what one thing can I do right now to reduce the fear or anxiety?

- what one thing can I do each week for the next month that will help me?

- who can help me to fight the fear?

When I first heard that phrase about grow ups as tall children, I thought it could be seen as a bit of a derogatory explanation. I guess to some it would be, there aren't many adults who enjoy being called a child. However, when I sit and think about it all we're really saying is everybody needs there hand holding from time to time with a bit of help from a guardian...so don't be too hard on yourself when you're feeling the pressure or fear, someone will be there.

Destination unknown

My husband will confirm that I am a terror for having to have everything planned, decided and mapped out way before it happens. Now, most of the time this pays off (I think he'd agree with that bit too!) however it's also a royal pain when I find myself in situations where the are far too many unknowns and nothing to grasp on to to steady myself.

Right now I'm in a 'destination unknown' head space. Now I like to pride myself when I'm at work and not sweating the small stuff and worrying about the wrong things (far too many people have that under control already!), but bring me out of the office and into home comforts and it falls apart from time to time! Doesn't take a genius to work out why, but it does take a bit of something to fix that rush of emotion, panic and confidence that escapes me when I need it most.

I'm not one for New Years Resolutions, but I feel the need to set myself a challenge or two in the coming weeks to help me be ok when I'm faced with uncertainty and I'd love to share them with you. So....
1. When I have decisions to make and a foggy head is in front of me, I am going to make a cup of tea and sit quietly for 5 minutes. Then, and only then can I start to think about what I need to do.
2. I'm going to get 'out of my head'. Some of you will get what I mean straight away with this one! Rather than push everything around in my grey matter I will share with someone else or scribble it down in my notebook. I must not over think things!
3. I need to give my brain some stretching - away from baby related activities and the TV! I am dedicating 20 minutes a day (BIG deal for me right now) to reading. Again, nothing baby related!

They are my challenges and I know if I stick to them I'll re-address some balance when it comes to needing to be rational and decision making.

Do you need to do something similar? I'd love to know your challenges!

A whole new world

Since July 2nd 2014, my life has completely changed.  That was the day that my beautiful daughter made her grand entrance into the world and life has been full pelt ever since!

I always thought I'd be ok at coping with a baby - I'm the eldest of 4 sisters (2 of which are much younger), and have always had young cousins around, so although it's obviously very different when they're your own I was going into this parenting lark feeling good.  Oh how I misjudged that one!  I had avoided reading too many books, but just enough to get by, and tried to tune out some of the more over zealous advice we were given from friends and family - all the time reassuring myself that we'd tackle it in our own way.  I still stand by that sentiment, it's just taken me a while to get there!

It's taken me some time, but everything has begun to fit in now.  Finding our routine, getting comfortable with feeding, recognising her different cries and trying to take each new challenge with a relaxed outlook have all been big hurdles for me.  As someone who is used to working in a corporate environment that although could be crazy and manic at times, it pales into insignificance when I put a newborn next to it - motherhood has been the hardest but most amazing job I've ever had.

BP (Before Polly) our evenings consistent of leisurely home cooked meals, DVD watching or catching up with the Sky+ box. Our weekends were always busy but we still went at our own pace.  Everything we do now revolves around our little lady and I love it.  Once I came to accept that what I was, what I did and how I did it was gone it was like a weight lifted.  I didn't need to do everything in the same way still, I had a new and exciting way of being with my little family - it was time to get my arms around it and enjoy it.

I had to ask myself a pretty big question when I began to hit a bit of a wall - why am I trying to live in the past? The more I asked myself the question, the more I could move forward and get on with living my refreshed version of life - my new world!

So, it's over to you - if you've gone through a big life change but are still clinging on to the way you lived before ask yourself...why?

Just say yes...or should you?

When I first started working in the big bad corporate world I was the ultimate people pleaser – need a report running? I’m on it. Need all that extra work doing that rationally we know we can’t meet the deadline for? Pass it my way. Want someone to do a tea run? I was your gal. After about 6 months the feedback came thick and fast (from the people asking these questions I might add!) – ‘you’re a yes person’, ‘you take on too much’, ‘you need to learn to challenge back’ – you can imagine the kind of thing.

It immediately made me call in to question how I was being perceived in the work place – was I really the doormat? I’d judged doormats before, I’d looked at them and thought ‘who are you trying to please’. Suddenly it was me being the try hard. What followed was a swift wrap on the knuckles (self inflicted) that actually what I’d been trying to do was make a good impression, and with it being my first ‘proper’ job the only way I knew how was to take on more and put my all into everything and then some.

Over the years it’s flexed – there are still times when I am or indeed need to be, a yes person. Sometimes no matter how much courage I may have I ultimately work in a hierarchical organisation where seniority has a habit of dictating what ends up getting done. There are, luckily, many exceptions to this as well though – there are very definitely a couple of very senior people who do actually listen to the thoughts and opinions of their team which can lead to a more constructive and efficient approach to working.

As I’ve moved around and had accountability for leading others the impact of those times when I jump a little too quickly to ‘yes’ has become apparent as well – luckily not all that often, but it’s a different challenge when you’ve got others to think about – their work load, making sure they feel they can do their job without being micro managed, allowing creativity not to be stifled. It’s not so different at home – if we spend our time agreeing to everything everybody suggests you’re left with no time for you (and significant others) and what should be nice relaxing weekends and evenings suddenly get eaten up by doing things on everybody else’s agenda – eeek!

So are you a yes person? I’ve got some questions for you...
• What is the impact on you of being a yes person?
• What is the impact on those around you of being a yes person?
• When have been the times you’ve actually just needed to comply?
• Where have the opportunities to challenge been?
• Have you taken those opportunities?
• How do you want to identify when you have scope to challenge?

There’s no time like the present to check in – time for some reflection?

Happy questioning x

Simples!

I spied this quote recently from Andy Stanley – ‘Growth creates complexity, which requires simplicity’ while I was having a read of some articles about making the complex simple. 

I’m generally surrounded by a high level of complexity because of the role I do and the organisation I do it in, so I’ve come to expect a work life that involves a lot of being on my toes.  It often spills into home life as well, and in both areas I have to challenge myself to break down the complex.  Sometimes it’s for me, sometimes it’s for those around me.  My goal always remains the same though – reducing stress and keeping things straight forward!

The more time I spend coaching others the more it dawns on me that complexity is subjective.  Not coachees, but my grandparents have found their way of life for the last 4 years complex and stressful – my Nan had a stroke and being the fitter of the two (and general matriarch tendencies!) they have been thrown into a different way of existing ever since.  Now much of their complexity is completely self-created – they’ve changed about 10% of the way they live since her illness, when in reality it needs a major overhaul.  It creates an unnecessary amount of complexity for them and those that help them, but from their perspective keeping life as it was as much as possible is what keeps things normal and simple.  A psychologist would have a field day!

In an everyday environment I see many people dealing with their own kind of complexity – multiple projects, tricky deadlines, demanding line managers, mastering the ever challenging work/life balance.  So what do you do?  Curl up in a corner and crumble?  Or carry on regardless?

Whatever way you migrate to, have a think about these questions to help you along your way:

•      What is the reality of the situation?
•      Where is the complexity coming from?
•          What would make this really simple?
•          How can I make that happen?

I’m going to stop there with the questions, rather than over complicate it (!) with many more – but hopefully you get the gist.  As with most situations, the power of the question is huge here.  Trying to carry on in the same way you have always done or not looking for ways to simplify the way you work in a world of growing complexity will take you in a direction where your blood pressure rises unnecessarily and you get yourself caught up with stressful situations.

Happy simplifying x 

What makes a great leader?

I’ve taken the inspiration for this blog post from another TED talk, this time from Roselinde Torres, all about what makes a great leader.

Torres takes time to ask some very pertinent and topical questions within the opening lines of her speech – the ones that particularly struck a chord for me were:

•        Are leadership programmes preparing people for the future or what’s been there before?
•        Why are leadership gaps widening despite growing investment?

She continues by talking about the false positives that are created by using the traditional leadership measures (360, leadership engagement indexes etc.) – a great point and thought for the those in this development field for what the future measurements need to look like.  Using the same measure year on year might give you consistency for comparison but it hardly moves with the changing environment we’re all in.

On the programmes point, controversially for some I have often struggled to see the value in leadership programmes that are either ‘sheep dip’ experiences for large groups of people or designed way ahead of time of knowing what a group’s collective needs are – why jump the gun and assume what a group might need when you could end up completely disengaging a massive chunk of your audience? On the flip side, I’ve also seen brilliant examples of modules and full programmes that have been delivered and had a lasting impact, but they’re always made up of multiple ‘interventions’, have been thoughtfully pulled together with a clear purpose and consists of ways of making the development stick once the course has been completed.

Roselinde positions that there are 3 questions that will help identify and expose great leadership.  As a question lover, these have really hit home with me:

• Where are you looking to anticipate challenges? (i.e. who are you meeting with, where are you travelling, what’s in your calendar – remembering that great leaders see around corners!)
•  What is the diversity measure of your network? (professional and personal, biology and thinking)
• Are you courageous enough to move away from something that has made you successful in the past? (you don’t go along to get along, not just talking about risk taking but actually doing it)

Since watching this session, I’ve found myself asking these questions of myself and others around me to really pin down what I value in a leader and how I want my style and approach to change an evolve.  Next time you find yourself reviewing your direction and what you need to be developing, borrow these questions from Rosalinde and I’m certain when you’re honest with yourself you’ll find it enlightening and focusing!

Happy leading x

Are you doing what you love?

Strengths based development (and more recently recruitment) has been a personal passion and interest of mine for some time, so much so it’s running the risk of becoming my ‘wallpaper’ as I take for granted that not everybody uses or even understands this approach.  The sharp focus is back though, and so here comes my next post all about doing what you love.

There are bags of evidence out there about why people should use their strengths more in every aspect of their life – not just work, but home life too.  As a snap shot, it can boost someone’s confidence, give them higher levels of energy, make them more resilient or be more engaged with what they’re doing to name but a few outcomes.

My latest read on the strengths topic has come in the shape of ‘The Strengths Book’ from Capp.  I love the accessibility of the book and how it really shoots straight to the point about how to realise ‘the best of you’.  It explains the four quadrants of the model that is the heart of their approach – learned behaviours, weaknesses, realised strengths and unrealised strengths.  Learned behaviours being things that you perform well but you are de-energised or drained after doing them, weaknesses are then things that you perform poorly at and find de-energising or draining.  Your realised strengths are things which you perform well at find energising, and your unrealised strengths are things that you perform well at, find energising but don’t do very much. 

The book goes into detail about how to limit or make the most of each of the four aspects above as well as a breakdown of 60 strengths they use in their profiling, that I won’t go into, but I would thoroughly recommend giving the book a read – it’s so accessible and pragmatic as a tool but also as an on-going way of living.

So it leads me to one very simple question – are you spending time doing what you love? 

The answer might not be that simple for you, in fact I guess for most it could be a wakeup call so tread carefully with yourself – small changes could make the world of difference to you, this isn’t about having to drastically change your job overnight or what you spend your time doing, but there’s no time like the present to make positive changes to spend time doing things that make you happy.

Happy thinking x

Having it all...

I spent a brilliant evening searching through TED talks recently, and as per usual it didn’t fail to disappoint. I came across this little gem from Anne-Marie Slaughter asking if men and women can ‘have it all’ and the barriers that are currently causing challenges. I loved how balanced it was, not just a ‘women in the workplace’ approach like so many of these kind of discussions can be. Whilst I think there is huge value in focusing on specific groups, I do think it’s beginning to have the opposite effect and creating a culture of resentment that people think they need to wear a skirt to get promoted, or even singled out for all the wrong reasons if you are a woman.

Anne-Marie shares her own personal experience about how a career change really made her face into what was important to her – not what she’d conditioned to be, but the actual bare faced reality of what she wanted from her life. What that meant for her was choosing family over a new role, instead of feeling like she had to move up the career ladder.

Slaughter positions that real equality doesn’t mean valuing women on male terms, but instead it’s a wide rand of equally respected choices for both groups. It’s about accepting that work traditionally done by either gender is just as important as the other, something which I feel is an incredibly powerful thought and a big challenge on our culture.

The biggest spark is when she questions how same sex couples should deal with situations that arise around work / family balance. The answer being that no matter how they answer it, it puts focus on work / family situations are a family issue rather than a gender issue – what a thought!

I won’t go into more detail about what Anne-Marie covers, but it’s well worth the watch for some refresh on thinking and a spotlight on what both sexes should be asking to change current culture. So I’ll leave you with these questions that have come to my mind since watching…

• What stereotypes are you reinforcing in the world?

• What one thing can you do to overcome them?

• What advice would you give to the next generation about what they can do?

Happy questioning x

Importance

Life continues to throw up so many situations and questions for us all on pretty much an hourly basis that it’s no wonder people can get bogged down in the day to day transactional treats (heavy sarcasm) that we are continually faced with.

Although there is a massive spectrum of challenging situations depending on who you are, one thing will be constant – they exist for everybody. I’m partly in such a situation at the minute, and so are many people around me – going through some good old change that is making some pretty big life changing situations for people. So it got me thinking – when you’re faced with such highly emotional and unknown situations, what can get you through? For some it will be a sympathetic ear or maybe completely closing down into yourself. For me, I’ve had a particular question (of course) racing through my head to get me through that I’m keen to share with you...’what is important to me?’

As I sit typing this, my tummy is throwing some interesting shapes as my growing little one finds exciting ways to flex their arms and legs, which essentially gives me my answer very simply to that question – my little family are what are important to me. Right now, it’s helping me keep a check on my irrational thoughts of things outside of my control, and I’m grateful I’ve got a way of getting a grip!

So, the next time you’re faced with what feels like an impossible decision to make, uncertainty or something making you feel uncomfortable, try asking yourself – what’s important to me? Your answer should lead you at least in a direction and help get some clarity and perspective on what you’re facing.

Happy answering x

Comparisons

As I enter this particularly strange (but very good and exciting!) point in my life, I’ve become even more aware of the human behaviour that is comparing yourself to others.  It’s something that has been merrily playing in the background up until now, but it’s beginning to take centre stage a little more.

In younger years when I’d come back from school having had the dreaded Friday test in a particular subject, beaming at my results that I’d worked so hard for my parents couldn’t resist the killer question – ‘how did everybody else do?’ (I won’t go into the psychology behind them asking that question, I don’t have the emotional stability!!).

Pregnancy books, apps, website and people in general provide multiple opportunities on pretty much an hourly basis to compare experiences.  Some providing great comfort (‘oh that’s normal? Phew!’) while others can put the fear of God into you (‘no, that shouldn’t happen *eeek*’).  In most other aspects of life we have to opportunity to compare ourselves – exam results, points scored, stats, achievements.  So what’s the impact? And more specifically, what is the impact on YOU?

There are a couple of people I’m friends with that spend their time comparing themselves to other friends and it only ever goes one way – down! It mostly stems around what they’ve achieved by a particular point in their professional life and then migrates to every other aspect – home, family, travels.  I’m all for ‘benchmarking’ but come on, we’re all unique…aren’t we?

I’m in the camp of there is a place for knowing how well you’re doing and what you’ve achieved (sorry but I’ll never get the non-competitive sports days and the like). However, I do think there’s a tipping point and constant comparisons between you and others can drive you insane.  Quite simply you will end up comparing apples with oranges and take yourself down a dark road.  So with that in mind, before you next go venturing off into a check list of where you are in life versus your best friend (or arch enemy for that matter), ask yourself these questions:

• What’s the significance of me carrying out this comparison?
• Does it matter how I’m doing compare to others?
• How will the answer help me?
• What’s reality and what’s my emotional reaction?
• What do I want to do stretch myself in my own unique way?

 Happy questioning x

A very happy New Year!

So I seem to have blinked and missed the last 4 months…I had to temporarily abandon my beloved outlet of blogging in favour of something far less appealing – morning sickness.  Yep, that’s right, there’s a mini questioning person on the way and we have a very happy Speak household! With every intention of being a low maintenance preggo lady, I have failed miserably thanks to relentless sickness that has been testing my resilience and patience so I feel like most aspects of my life have been paused…until now!

It’s such an exciting time for us and I’ve decided enough is enough, I need to get some of me back otherwise I’m in danger of rapidly falling off the proverbial cliff.  So here goes…my first blog in a while.

In the spirit of New Year, I thought I’d tackle the age old tradition of setting those oh-so elusive resolutions and their value.  I’m going to split this out into a couple of different areas…

What’s stopping you?

Before January 1^st, what stopped you making the changes anyway?  Apart from it being a moment in time, what is the significance for you?  I’m not asking it flippantly – I know for some people it will hold a heap of importance to start at that particular moment in time but if you’re not one of them it’s worth having a think about why you haven’t made the change until now.  Will the reason still be hanging around?  What’s different for you now?  Don’t get yourself heading in the direction of a road travelled over and over and never reaching your goal.

Advice and Input

Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and pretty much any media outlet / celebrity has been rife with asking their ‘fans’ what their chosen changes are going to be.  It has always fascinated me why it’s such a topic of conversation (I secretly think people are just looking for ideas!) when actually I think they should be very personal, not something of a competition.  I guess everybody will have their reasons and if it’s support to keep you on track you need I do get it, but in my experience it’s less deep than that and just a conversation filler.  By answering this question you’re immediately leaving yourself open to the inevitable…advice!!  Are you ready to hear how your colleague’s Great Aunt Maud lost all of her weight or how James in Accounts plans his healthy eating?  Probably not a resounding yes!

I’m finding it increasingly more apparent that advice always comes from the right place (well, most of the time) but what you actually end up doing is your choice.  How you lose the weight, save the money, take more time out for you etc should come from what you want to do.  Fresh ideas and thinking are nice but only for a period of time – I can guarantee if you continue to take in and listen to everybody’s advice no matter what it’s regarding you will over complicate what you’re trying to do. My advice (no irony intended)…keep it simple!

So?

If you spend proportionately too much time looking for input and opinion, you’re most likely driving down the value of your resolutions (or any idea for that matter) in the process – you’re heading on a path that wipes away the reason you set them as they become watered down with other people’s opinion.  Use your judgement about when to reduce the listening and crack on.

As you set your resolutions, ask yourself these questions…

      ·         Am I being clear about what I want to achieve?

      ·         Is my action plan mine or something I’ve borrowed from someone else?

      ·         Will I know when I’ve achieved it? How will I know?  

      ·      Who can help me?

      

      So before you dash off to start writing your list, take some reflection time.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year, love me and a growing bump x

The power of the introvert

So my new favourite thing to do is watch TEDtalks. Anything goes as long as it gets me thinking and the latest find about the power of the introvert from Susan Cain did just that. Click here for a quick path to watch it.

It's conditioned in many of us that extroversion and being the loudest gets you where you want to go, and the more I observe this in reality the more it makes me question...is that really the case?  There are some amazing 'introverts' in the world, great thinkers who are at their best where they're working on something by themselves or fantastic strategists with the ability to make millions if they're given the right environment to work.  The more I look at it, the more I think that introversion gets confused with lack of confidence - I feel passionately with this one that B doesn't follow A.  I'm just going to say it - you can be an introvert and still be confident, and extroversion doesn't get you where you need to go.

Spending time watching this clip and thinking about the true meaning of introversion has had me sitting back and reflecting.  This is going to surprise most people that know me, and no sniggers please, but I'm introvert. Yep, you read that right.  I might be ok with standing up in front of people and delivering a training session, running a meeting or just having a conversation, but actually I'm at my best in my own company.  'Group think' is great for some things but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to think clearly when I'm surrounded by lots of people and really feel a difference if I take time out by myself. At one point I'd have absolutely described myself as an extrovert but things have definitely changed for me. As far as I can tell introversion doesn't mean you have to be shy...thoughts on a post card, or just a comment on here!

Enough about me and my indulgent rant, and swiftly on to the questions I'd urge you to think about...
- what is your perception of introversion?
- what do you know about the reality of introversion?
- what assumptions do you make about introverts?
- do you have a favourite...introvert or extrovert?!
- what are you?
- is there anything you need to change about the way you think about introversion?

Take some time to have a think...I hope it challenges some common misconceptions!

Happy reflecting x

What's in a face?

I recently saw a TED talk from Cameron Russell about image and looks (click here to see it), and the impact that they have on us as a society – particularly how we judge people, what desires they fuel and the reality that they mask.  It makes for brilliant viewing with a message delivered form the heart and a wake up call for those of us who really do judge a book by it’s cover – Cameron is a stunning Victoria Secret model.

It got me to thinking…what happens to our lives when we let image dictate our opinions?  When we buy a beauty product, item of clothing or magazine we’re generally buying a lifestyle and particularly with the latter we’re buying something that isn’t reality in a lot of ways.  It’s leading to impressionable minds be conditioned to thinking that outside beauty is best – be it your face, house, car or clothes. 

I’m sharing Cameron’s message with as many people as I can (and will listen) – it’s so powerful and has really made me question…what can I do differently? Give it a watch (it’s only about 8 minutes) and then ask yourself the same question – let me know your plans!

Happy watching x

Is it worth it?

In a world where we’re trying to do more with less, times can get tough and somewhat draining. Looking around and indulging in my favourite past time (people watching) has opened my eyes to how it’s starting to affect people (good and bad) and is making me ask some questions…prompting this blog post!

Find an environment where you do your best thinking and answer the following questions…
• Do you ever find yourself feeling exhausted?
• Do you strive for 100% perfection for yourself and those around you?
• Do you like to have the final say?
• Do you find yourself correcting people’s approach even if they get the same outcome?

For a long time I was guilty of the last two – the former particularly as a teenager and the latter as I started to line manage other people. I’m still swamped by the ‘perfection’ point, but learning to deal with it and knowing when to back away has been a very enlightening journey! So, now is the time to ask yourself…is it worth it?

I’m not talking about throwing in the towel and becoming a recluse or ignoring the world around you, but taking a step back and evaluating if you’re sweating the small as well as the big stuff can help you to take stock and direct your energy to the right stuff.

Someone close to me recently read ‘What got you here won’t get you there’ and came away quoting ‘is it worth it’ as a thought to use whenever he is faced with a challenging situation or applies it to times when he should really back off and say nothing rather than having to have the final word. It’s now nothing short of a way of life for him.

So the next time you find yourself in a pickle over something seemingly stressful, or you’re rushing in to talk about something you don’t need to add to, or you’re about to critique somebody because they aren’t your carbon copy please ask yourself…is it worth it?

Marching on together

Don’t worry Dad, I haven’t suddenly become a Leeds United fan.

I have however started to thinking about coping mechanisms and what keeps people going in uncomfortable situations after seeing a huge range of the beauties in action over the last month. Everything from humour, not talking, over talking, self talking, running away, carrying on regardless…it all intrigues me and I love watching them play out in people. Mine has morphed over the last few years – it started off with self talk and has migrated with carrying on regardless…humour has never been able to feature!

Asking around, a number of people couldn’t answer when I asked them what their coping mechanisms were and it got me to thinking…if you don’t know what they are how do you keep them topped up? If you’re going through a turbulent time the mechanism could start to dry up and it’s important to have a bit of something in reserve to get you through.

So, in the week ahead have a think…
• What are your coping mechanisms?
• What are your back ups when they run down?
• What do you want them to be in the future?

Don't under estimate the power of resilience and your coping mechanisms to keep you marching on.

Happy thinking x

Reinvention

I was perusing the BBC website earlier this week when the article questioning how many times the good Doctor (Who) could be reinvented with a new leading fella. It got me thinking…is there a limit when it comes to reinvention? And more importantly, when is the time to do it? The world is filled wall to wall with brands that diversify, expand and change every week – so is it savvy to flex or is it just inability to make a decision about what your ‘market’ is? So, there’s one question hanging here…what do you think? Let’s get interactive – tweet or reply with your thoughts, I’d love to know your opinion!

Frame it...

In an earlier blog (Perspectives) I touched on ‘frame of reference’ (FOR) and the importance of acknowledging different perspectives.  I reckon it deserves a little more air time with a post of it’s own now, so here goes!

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you just don’t understand where they’re coming from?  What about when you’re the one doing the talking and no matter what you say that other person just ‘doesn’t get it’? Well, that’s all down to frame of reference. 

‘So what?’ I hear you cry…well it’s all about helping you get your point across and making it stick.  It might be a change in behaviour, a new routine or just a one off activity you need someone to do – but no matter what it is,  FOR will help.

Picture the scene…you need to get someone to help you out with a task.  For you, it means it’ll get done quicker and you can move on to your next task quicker.  For them it’ll mean more work, however they’ve been looking to get some more experience and if you don’t have to do it all you’ll be less stressed with those around you, and the person you’re going to ask doesn’t perform well when they’re in a stressed environment. You also know that they like to be thanked in a low key way, and are a lover of chocolate.  So, when it comes to asking them to help, which bits do you pull out that will be most influential to get them to help, and keep them on side going forward? I’ll give you some options…
a) ask them to help because it’ll mean you’re less stressed and you can get on with the other things on your list, it’s more work (you want to manage their expectations) but they’ll just have to make time.  The week after, you make a big song and dance in front of a huge group of people with a thank you card.
b) ask them to help because it’ll get them some exposure to something they’re interested in, the environment will be less stressed and you’ll help them work out how to fit it in.  A couple of days later when it’s just the 2 of you around you give them a box of chocs to say thank you.

A or B then?

Spot on – B of course! The ‘helper’ has been talked to in their FOR and more importantly rewarded in their FOR. 

You might be sitting their thinking, ‘this is easy, I do it all the time’ but the harsh light of reality tells a different story.  Looking around I think people do about 50% of the time, but the urge to project our own thoughts or feelings onto someone else takes over.  As giddy as you might feel about the benefits to you, have a heart and think about the other person – they have their own view of the world (FOR) and when it’s challenged resistance can surface.

Give it a go the next time you’re talking to someone about a change you need them to get on board with or an activity – you’ll feel the difference!

Happy framing x

Get with the programme...

...and the programme is relevant feedback!

It's coming up to mid-year review time for many people across the globe, which means only one thing - an influx of feedback requests.  I've blogged in an earlier post (Breakfast of Champions) about some elements of giving feedback, but today I feel the need to put some focus on the 'relevance' of the feedback you are giving, and specifically the timeliness.

As you're completing the 20th request for feedback, have a think to yourself as you're dishing out your thoughts
- when is this feedback from? 
- is it still relevant* for the colleague?
- have I got some recent (and great quality) examples to bring it to life?

*I ask the second question about relevance on purpose, as I think this is the exception to the rule because if the feedback is 12 months old but still something that you think is holding the other person back then you need to say it.

Out of date comments could mean the person a) can't do a thing about it or b) they've worked on it already (and you're not close enough to know)...so now is the time to keep quiet.  It's very flattering to be asked your opinion on how someone is doing and get your input into their development, but do this frustrated questioner a favour - leave your now massaged ego at the door and resist the tempation to type/write/talk about something that happened 18 months ago and hasn't resurfaced since.

There is another side to this, and that is those requesting feedback need to consider who they're asking for input from. Asking people who you've only had a couple of experiences with at best is unlikely to end in quality feedback.  When you're making your list about who to ask, think who can add value and insight for you not just people who you've had a one off positive experience with who will give you a boost.

Quality feedback is few and far between, but little by little we can all make in roads together.

Happy weekend x

Why?

A oldie but a goodie, the simple question of 'why?' Is going to be the focus for my next post.

Whenever I'm coaching or mentoring someone I like to start by understanding what their drivers are - their reason for change, the final straw, the epiphany...or simply just why they want to make a change and or achieve something new.

So here comes my first question - do you ever find yourself starting something and giving up before it's done? Well, that's most likely down to you not having a strong enough reason for making the change - your 'why'.  It's one of my favourite principles coined in Go MAD - The art of making a difference, where Andy Gilbert quotes Fredrick Nietsche who very wisely says that 'a person can bear any what if they have a big enough why'. Insightful hey?

As ever, you're not in it alone though, so if you want to do a review of your whys, here are some questions to help you get clarity:
- what is super important to you?
- what will happen if you don't make the change?
- what motivates you to make a change?
- how are you going to surround yourself  with your motivators?
- what's the plan now?

Don't be hard on yourself if you're giving up on things, you just need to spend some time thinking about your reasons why. If you don't spend time thinking about it...then you can be very hard on yourself!

Happy reviewing x

Time and a place...

We're on the home straight...the final component in a thinking environment is Place - the importance of where you are having your meeting / brain storming session / catch up / heart to heart (delete as appropriate).

We were edging into this component in an earlier post about 'Ease' but now the spotlight is firmly on it, and it's time to ask yourself some questions about the kind of meeting environments you find yourself in as well as creating.

Now here comes a very deliberate leading question...when have you had a conversation in a really inappropriate place?
- what was the conversation about?
- what was the outcome?
- on reflection, did the environment play any part on the outcome?
- why did you have it in that location?
- if you could have the conversation again, where would you have it?

If you can't think of an example, then imagine some of the worst places to have a conversation - what could the impact on a conversation be?

Now let's get positive...where's the perfect place to have a meeting or conversation?  You might now have a list of different locations in your head and probably saying to me 'well it depends on the conversation obviously'...and you'd be quite right but I'm really just getting you to have a good long think about all the possibilities.

The theory behind this is that if someone is in an environment conducive to clear and fresh thinking, where they feel safe and secure they will be at their best (think Maslow's hierarchy of needs, worth a Google if you've not come across it!).  So the next time you're planning a meeting, no matter how impromptu, put some thought into the location or you could be in for an uncomfortable situation.

Happy chatting x