Fighting the fear

When I was going through my accreditation in change training one of the tutors made a statement that will stick with me forever - 'grown ups are just tall children'. Simple as it is I'd never thought in this way before and it gave me a new view on life. Suddenly I had an explanation for pretty much all adult human behaviour! 

As I have been going through my return to work having had 10 months maternity leave, I've felt really aware that I am experiencing the need to fight the fear (for a variety of reasons) and all too aware that I'm a tall(ish) child. The extremes of feelings when someone 'holds your hand' or leaves you feeling bewildered and not sure what's happening can be a dicey time. It has made me take stock of who I have around me and the kind of person I'm becoming - these changes, I'm beginning to realise are making me shape into a new person. 

There are some things about me that will fundamentally never change - my family comes first, I have an infatuation with stationary, I love being outside and I'm unable to go into a supermarket without a list that is written in the order I walk through the store (normal/not normal, delete as you see fit). However there are so many things I wouldn't have anticipated and for me that is what is causing the need to fight the fear. Fear that I want my career journey to be different but I'm not quite sure how I'll navigate it. Fear that I'm going to be pigeon-holed as 'a mum'. Fear that I might miss something my little girl does for the first time. Fear that I'll miss something at work! The list goes on, but the solutions are becoming clearer every day, but I'm having to work hard to remind myself that I do have the resilience to get through it. 

Are you fighting the fear of anything right now? Does everything seem to be coming at once? Is there a leap of faith you need to take but you keep putting off? Here are some questions to help get your thinking moving:

- what is it that I'm actually fearful of?

- what one thing can I do right now to reduce the fear or anxiety?

- what one thing can I do each week for the next month that will help me?

- who can help me to fight the fear?

When I first heard that phrase about grow ups as tall children, I thought it could be seen as a bit of a derogatory explanation. I guess to some it would be, there aren't many adults who enjoy being called a child. However, when I sit and think about it all we're really saying is everybody needs there hand holding from time to time with a bit of help from a guardian...so don't be too hard on yourself when you're feeling the pressure or fear, someone will be there.

Destination unknown

My husband will confirm that I am a terror for having to have everything planned, decided and mapped out way before it happens. Now, most of the time this pays off (I think he'd agree with that bit too!) however it's also a royal pain when I find myself in situations where the are far too many unknowns and nothing to grasp on to to steady myself.

Right now I'm in a 'destination unknown' head space. Now I like to pride myself when I'm at work and not sweating the small stuff and worrying about the wrong things (far too many people have that under control already!), but bring me out of the office and into home comforts and it falls apart from time to time! Doesn't take a genius to work out why, but it does take a bit of something to fix that rush of emotion, panic and confidence that escapes me when I need it most.

I'm not one for New Years Resolutions, but I feel the need to set myself a challenge or two in the coming weeks to help me be ok when I'm faced with uncertainty and I'd love to share them with you. So....
1. When I have decisions to make and a foggy head is in front of me, I am going to make a cup of tea and sit quietly for 5 minutes. Then, and only then can I start to think about what I need to do.
2. I'm going to get 'out of my head'. Some of you will get what I mean straight away with this one! Rather than push everything around in my grey matter I will share with someone else or scribble it down in my notebook. I must not over think things!
3. I need to give my brain some stretching - away from baby related activities and the TV! I am dedicating 20 minutes a day (BIG deal for me right now) to reading. Again, nothing baby related!

They are my challenges and I know if I stick to them I'll re-address some balance when it comes to needing to be rational and decision making.

Do you need to do something similar? I'd love to know your challenges!