Monday 10 June 2013

It's just emotion...

Feelings. Quirky things, but they also have their place in the thinking environment.

When feelings take over the results can be extreme - everything from over zealous joy to the dark depths of depression...quite a spectrum.  So imagine the impact feelings have on your thinking - it's got big warning signs written all over it.  So what do we do?  Well we can't ignore them, they have a habit of getting louder and more vivid if we do that. Which leaves the option of paying attention to them and letting them be released..surely not?!  It's time for the stereotypical British stiff upper lip to be removed and embrace the feelings.

Feelings are emotive, unique and can be a de-railer if you try and suppress them.  They'll distract you and cloud your finest thinking which goes against pretty much every principle I've written about so far and those that are yet to be explored.  However they shouldn't be feared - after all what's the adage in all training relating to difficult conversations?  'You can only control you'...and that means your feelings!

Can you remember the last time you had a discussion with someone that got heated because it got all caught up with feelings, only to think a few days later after you've had time to reflect that actually it wasn't such a problem after all?  I've been there too many times than I care to share (although those that know me can probably do the maths!) and I wish I'd have let my emotions out in a more constructive way rather than a sudden explosion.

The way to embrace them in a thinking environment is to really let them out and be released.  This doesn't mean spontaneously standing up and shouting them out loud, or allotted agenda time for them ( let's face it doing it in a contrite and tidy way goes against what emotions are) - but there is somewhere in the middle that could help because largely the emotional outbursts happen when someone thinks their feelings are not being acknowledged.

For some, simply being asked how they are feeling will be enough to be able to talk about them and let go.  For others who perhaps don't feel like they are in the right environment or company to do that they'll need something different.  It might be that you speak to people before a meeting, or agree some principles before you start a meeting that you're in a safe environment and without people saying what they really think you won't get the best outcome (sounds a bit formal and 'worky' but I don't mean it to and it should work with non-work related things too).

Another activity I've seen done is 'heart storming' where the person leading a conversation gets everybody in the room to write on post its how they're feeling.  For the writer it means that their emotions have been noted and won't be forgotten, and in particular for a thinking environment it's one less thing to hold in your head to block your thoughts.  It's a double edged sword though - in the wrong hands it can become an emotionally charged mess so use with discretion and avoid this one if you're in two minds about where you could end up with it.

There's some personal responsibility with emotions as well, and specifically what you're doing to let them out.  Before you head into a situation that you have some emotional baggage around, see if there's a safe place to park it.  Safe might mean; somewhere you know you won't forget it when the opportunity for the 'emotional release' comes up or even sharing it with someone else so you put the emotion into perspective.  Whatever it means to you, going in packed with emotional charge will lead to an explosion so make sure no matter what the situation you know your emotions can come out in a safe way.

Happy weekend xx

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