Importance

Life continues to throw up so many situations and questions for us all on pretty much an hourly basis that it’s no wonder people can get bogged down in the day to day transactional treats (heavy sarcasm) that we are continually faced with.

Although there is a massive spectrum of challenging situations depending on who you are, one thing will be constant – they exist for everybody. I’m partly in such a situation at the minute, and so are many people around me – going through some good old change that is making some pretty big life changing situations for people. So it got me thinking – when you’re faced with such highly emotional and unknown situations, what can get you through? For some it will be a sympathetic ear or maybe completely closing down into yourself. For me, I’ve had a particular question (of course) racing through my head to get me through that I’m keen to share with you...’what is important to me?’

As I sit typing this, my tummy is throwing some interesting shapes as my growing little one finds exciting ways to flex their arms and legs, which essentially gives me my answer very simply to that question – my little family are what are important to me. Right now, it’s helping me keep a check on my irrational thoughts of things outside of my control, and I’m grateful I’ve got a way of getting a grip!

So, the next time you’re faced with what feels like an impossible decision to make, uncertainty or something making you feel uncomfortable, try asking yourself – what’s important to me? Your answer should lead you at least in a direction and help get some clarity and perspective on what you’re facing.

Happy answering x

Comparisons

As I enter this particularly strange (but very good and exciting!) point in my life, I’ve become even more aware of the human behaviour that is comparing yourself to others.  It’s something that has been merrily playing in the background up until now, but it’s beginning to take centre stage a little more.

In younger years when I’d come back from school having had the dreaded Friday test in a particular subject, beaming at my results that I’d worked so hard for my parents couldn’t resist the killer question – ‘how did everybody else do?’ (I won’t go into the psychology behind them asking that question, I don’t have the emotional stability!!).

Pregnancy books, apps, website and people in general provide multiple opportunities on pretty much an hourly basis to compare experiences.  Some providing great comfort (‘oh that’s normal? Phew!’) while others can put the fear of God into you (‘no, that shouldn’t happen *eeek*’).  In most other aspects of life we have to opportunity to compare ourselves – exam results, points scored, stats, achievements.  So what’s the impact? And more specifically, what is the impact on YOU?

There are a couple of people I’m friends with that spend their time comparing themselves to other friends and it only ever goes one way – down! It mostly stems around what they’ve achieved by a particular point in their professional life and then migrates to every other aspect – home, family, travels.  I’m all for ‘benchmarking’ but come on, we’re all unique…aren’t we?

I’m in the camp of there is a place for knowing how well you’re doing and what you’ve achieved (sorry but I’ll never get the non-competitive sports days and the like). However, I do think there’s a tipping point and constant comparisons between you and others can drive you insane.  Quite simply you will end up comparing apples with oranges and take yourself down a dark road.  So with that in mind, before you next go venturing off into a check list of where you are in life versus your best friend (or arch enemy for that matter), ask yourself these questions:

• What’s the significance of me carrying out this comparison?
• Does it matter how I’m doing compare to others?
• How will the answer help me?
• What’s reality and what’s my emotional reaction?
• What do I want to do stretch myself in my own unique way?

 Happy questioning x

A very happy New Year!

So I seem to have blinked and missed the last 4 months…I had to temporarily abandon my beloved outlet of blogging in favour of something far less appealing – morning sickness.  Yep, that’s right, there’s a mini questioning person on the way and we have a very happy Speak household! With every intention of being a low maintenance preggo lady, I have failed miserably thanks to relentless sickness that has been testing my resilience and patience so I feel like most aspects of my life have been paused…until now!

It’s such an exciting time for us and I’ve decided enough is enough, I need to get some of me back otherwise I’m in danger of rapidly falling off the proverbial cliff.  So here goes…my first blog in a while.

In the spirit of New Year, I thought I’d tackle the age old tradition of setting those oh-so elusive resolutions and their value.  I’m going to split this out into a couple of different areas…

What’s stopping you?

Before January 1^st, what stopped you making the changes anyway?  Apart from it being a moment in time, what is the significance for you?  I’m not asking it flippantly – I know for some people it will hold a heap of importance to start at that particular moment in time but if you’re not one of them it’s worth having a think about why you haven’t made the change until now.  Will the reason still be hanging around?  What’s different for you now?  Don’t get yourself heading in the direction of a road travelled over and over and never reaching your goal.

Advice and Input

Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and pretty much any media outlet / celebrity has been rife with asking their ‘fans’ what their chosen changes are going to be.  It has always fascinated me why it’s such a topic of conversation (I secretly think people are just looking for ideas!) when actually I think they should be very personal, not something of a competition.  I guess everybody will have their reasons and if it’s support to keep you on track you need I do get it, but in my experience it’s less deep than that and just a conversation filler.  By answering this question you’re immediately leaving yourself open to the inevitable…advice!!  Are you ready to hear how your colleague’s Great Aunt Maud lost all of her weight or how James in Accounts plans his healthy eating?  Probably not a resounding yes!

I’m finding it increasingly more apparent that advice always comes from the right place (well, most of the time) but what you actually end up doing is your choice.  How you lose the weight, save the money, take more time out for you etc should come from what you want to do.  Fresh ideas and thinking are nice but only for a period of time – I can guarantee if you continue to take in and listen to everybody’s advice no matter what it’s regarding you will over complicate what you’re trying to do. My advice (no irony intended)…keep it simple!

So?

If you spend proportionately too much time looking for input and opinion, you’re most likely driving down the value of your resolutions (or any idea for that matter) in the process – you’re heading on a path that wipes away the reason you set them as they become watered down with other people’s opinion.  Use your judgement about when to reduce the listening and crack on.

As you set your resolutions, ask yourself these questions…

      ·         Am I being clear about what I want to achieve?

      ·         Is my action plan mine or something I’ve borrowed from someone else?

      ·         Will I know when I’ve achieved it? How will I know?  

      ·      Who can help me?

      

      So before you dash off to start writing your list, take some reflection time.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year, love me and a growing bump x

The power of the introvert

So my new favourite thing to do is watch TEDtalks. Anything goes as long as it gets me thinking and the latest find about the power of the introvert from Susan Cain did just that. Click here for a quick path to watch it.

It's conditioned in many of us that extroversion and being the loudest gets you where you want to go, and the more I observe this in reality the more it makes me question...is that really the case?  There are some amazing 'introverts' in the world, great thinkers who are at their best where they're working on something by themselves or fantastic strategists with the ability to make millions if they're given the right environment to work.  The more I look at it, the more I think that introversion gets confused with lack of confidence - I feel passionately with this one that B doesn't follow A.  I'm just going to say it - you can be an introvert and still be confident, and extroversion doesn't get you where you need to go.

Spending time watching this clip and thinking about the true meaning of introversion has had me sitting back and reflecting.  This is going to surprise most people that know me, and no sniggers please, but I'm introvert. Yep, you read that right.  I might be ok with standing up in front of people and delivering a training session, running a meeting or just having a conversation, but actually I'm at my best in my own company.  'Group think' is great for some things but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to think clearly when I'm surrounded by lots of people and really feel a difference if I take time out by myself. At one point I'd have absolutely described myself as an extrovert but things have definitely changed for me. As far as I can tell introversion doesn't mean you have to be shy...thoughts on a post card, or just a comment on here!

Enough about me and my indulgent rant, and swiftly on to the questions I'd urge you to think about...
- what is your perception of introversion?
- what do you know about the reality of introversion?
- what assumptions do you make about introverts?
- do you have a favourite...introvert or extrovert?!
- what are you?
- is there anything you need to change about the way you think about introversion?

Take some time to have a think...I hope it challenges some common misconceptions!

Happy reflecting x

What's in a face?

I recently saw a TED talk from Cameron Russell about image and looks (click here to see it), and the impact that they have on us as a society – particularly how we judge people, what desires they fuel and the reality that they mask.  It makes for brilliant viewing with a message delivered form the heart and a wake up call for those of us who really do judge a book by it’s cover – Cameron is a stunning Victoria Secret model.

It got me to thinking…what happens to our lives when we let image dictate our opinions?  When we buy a beauty product, item of clothing or magazine we’re generally buying a lifestyle and particularly with the latter we’re buying something that isn’t reality in a lot of ways.  It’s leading to impressionable minds be conditioned to thinking that outside beauty is best – be it your face, house, car or clothes. 

I’m sharing Cameron’s message with as many people as I can (and will listen) – it’s so powerful and has really made me question…what can I do differently? Give it a watch (it’s only about 8 minutes) and then ask yourself the same question – let me know your plans!

Happy watching x

Is it worth it?

In a world where we’re trying to do more with less, times can get tough and somewhat draining. Looking around and indulging in my favourite past time (people watching) has opened my eyes to how it’s starting to affect people (good and bad) and is making me ask some questions…prompting this blog post!

Find an environment where you do your best thinking and answer the following questions…
• Do you ever find yourself feeling exhausted?
• Do you strive for 100% perfection for yourself and those around you?
• Do you like to have the final say?
• Do you find yourself correcting people’s approach even if they get the same outcome?

For a long time I was guilty of the last two – the former particularly as a teenager and the latter as I started to line manage other people. I’m still swamped by the ‘perfection’ point, but learning to deal with it and knowing when to back away has been a very enlightening journey! So, now is the time to ask yourself…is it worth it?

I’m not talking about throwing in the towel and becoming a recluse or ignoring the world around you, but taking a step back and evaluating if you’re sweating the small as well as the big stuff can help you to take stock and direct your energy to the right stuff.

Someone close to me recently read ‘What got you here won’t get you there’ and came away quoting ‘is it worth it’ as a thought to use whenever he is faced with a challenging situation or applies it to times when he should really back off and say nothing rather than having to have the final word. It’s now nothing short of a way of life for him.

So the next time you find yourself in a pickle over something seemingly stressful, or you’re rushing in to talk about something you don’t need to add to, or you’re about to critique somebody because they aren’t your carbon copy please ask yourself…is it worth it?

Marching on together

Don’t worry Dad, I haven’t suddenly become a Leeds United fan.

I have however started to thinking about coping mechanisms and what keeps people going in uncomfortable situations after seeing a huge range of the beauties in action over the last month. Everything from humour, not talking, over talking, self talking, running away, carrying on regardless…it all intrigues me and I love watching them play out in people. Mine has morphed over the last few years – it started off with self talk and has migrated with carrying on regardless…humour has never been able to feature!

Asking around, a number of people couldn’t answer when I asked them what their coping mechanisms were and it got me to thinking…if you don’t know what they are how do you keep them topped up? If you’re going through a turbulent time the mechanism could start to dry up and it’s important to have a bit of something in reserve to get you through.

So, in the week ahead have a think…
• What are your coping mechanisms?
• What are your back ups when they run down?
• What do you want them to be in the future?

Don't under estimate the power of resilience and your coping mechanisms to keep you marching on.

Happy thinking x