In an earlier blog (Perspectives) I touched on ‘frame of reference’ (FOR) and the importance of acknowledging different perspectives. I reckon it deserves a little more air time with a post of it’s own now, so here goes!
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you just don’t understand where they’re coming from? What about when you’re the one doing the talking and no matter what you say that other person just ‘doesn’t get it’? Well, that’s all down to frame of reference.
‘So what?’ I hear you cry…well it’s all about helping you get your point across and making it stick. It might be a change in behaviour, a new routine or just a one off activity you need someone to do – but no matter what it is, FOR will help.
Picture the scene…you need to get someone to help you out with a task. For you, it means it’ll get done quicker and you can move on to your next task quicker. For them it’ll mean more work, however they’ve been looking to get some more experience and if you don’t have to do it all you’ll be less stressed with those around you, and the person you’re going to ask doesn’t perform well when they’re in a stressed environment. You also know that they like to be thanked in a low key way, and are a lover of chocolate. So, when it comes to asking them to help, which bits do you pull out that will be most influential to get them to help, and keep them on side going forward? I’ll give you some options…
a) ask them to help because it’ll mean you’re less stressed and you can get on with the other things on your list, it’s more work (you want to manage their expectations) but they’ll just have to make time. The week after, you make a big song and dance in front of a huge group of people with a thank you card.
b) ask them to help because it’ll get them some exposure to something they’re interested in, the environment will be less stressed and you’ll help them work out how to fit it in. A couple of days later when it’s just the 2 of you around you give them a box of chocs to say thank you.
a) ask them to help because it’ll mean you’re less stressed and you can get on with the other things on your list, it’s more work (you want to manage their expectations) but they’ll just have to make time. The week after, you make a big song and dance in front of a huge group of people with a thank you card.
b) ask them to help because it’ll get them some exposure to something they’re interested in, the environment will be less stressed and you’ll help them work out how to fit it in. A couple of days later when it’s just the 2 of you around you give them a box of chocs to say thank you.
A or B then?
Spot on – B of course! The ‘helper’ has been talked to in their FOR and more importantly rewarded in their FOR.
You might be sitting their thinking, ‘this is easy, I do it all the time’ but the harsh light of reality tells a different story. Looking around I think people do about 50% of the time, but the urge to project our own thoughts or feelings onto someone else takes over. As giddy as you might feel about the benefits to you, have a heart and think about the other person – they have their own view of the world (FOR) and when it’s challenged resistance can surface.
Give it a go the next time you’re talking to someone about a change you need them to get on board with or an activity – you’ll feel the difference!
Happy framing x
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