Is it worth it?

In a world where we’re trying to do more with less, times can get tough and somewhat draining. Looking around and indulging in my favourite past time (people watching) has opened my eyes to how it’s starting to affect people (good and bad) and is making me ask some questions…prompting this blog post!

Find an environment where you do your best thinking and answer the following questions…
• Do you ever find yourself feeling exhausted?
• Do you strive for 100% perfection for yourself and those around you?
• Do you like to have the final say?
• Do you find yourself correcting people’s approach even if they get the same outcome?

For a long time I was guilty of the last two – the former particularly as a teenager and the latter as I started to line manage other people. I’m still swamped by the ‘perfection’ point, but learning to deal with it and knowing when to back away has been a very enlightening journey! So, now is the time to ask yourself…is it worth it?

I’m not talking about throwing in the towel and becoming a recluse or ignoring the world around you, but taking a step back and evaluating if you’re sweating the small as well as the big stuff can help you to take stock and direct your energy to the right stuff.

Someone close to me recently read ‘What got you here won’t get you there’ and came away quoting ‘is it worth it’ as a thought to use whenever he is faced with a challenging situation or applies it to times when he should really back off and say nothing rather than having to have the final word. It’s now nothing short of a way of life for him.

So the next time you find yourself in a pickle over something seemingly stressful, or you’re rushing in to talk about something you don’t need to add to, or you’re about to critique somebody because they aren’t your carbon copy please ask yourself…is it worth it?

Marching on together

Don’t worry Dad, I haven’t suddenly become a Leeds United fan.

I have however started to thinking about coping mechanisms and what keeps people going in uncomfortable situations after seeing a huge range of the beauties in action over the last month. Everything from humour, not talking, over talking, self talking, running away, carrying on regardless…it all intrigues me and I love watching them play out in people. Mine has morphed over the last few years – it started off with self talk and has migrated with carrying on regardless…humour has never been able to feature!

Asking around, a number of people couldn’t answer when I asked them what their coping mechanisms were and it got me to thinking…if you don’t know what they are how do you keep them topped up? If you’re going through a turbulent time the mechanism could start to dry up and it’s important to have a bit of something in reserve to get you through.

So, in the week ahead have a think…
• What are your coping mechanisms?
• What are your back ups when they run down?
• What do you want them to be in the future?

Don't under estimate the power of resilience and your coping mechanisms to keep you marching on.

Happy thinking x

Reinvention

I was perusing the BBC website earlier this week when the article questioning how many times the good Doctor (Who) could be reinvented with a new leading fella. It got me thinking…is there a limit when it comes to reinvention? And more importantly, when is the time to do it? The world is filled wall to wall with brands that diversify, expand and change every week – so is it savvy to flex or is it just inability to make a decision about what your ‘market’ is? So, there’s one question hanging here…what do you think? Let’s get interactive – tweet or reply with your thoughts, I’d love to know your opinion!

Frame it...

In an earlier blog (Perspectives) I touched on ‘frame of reference’ (FOR) and the importance of acknowledging different perspectives.  I reckon it deserves a little more air time with a post of it’s own now, so here goes!

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you just don’t understand where they’re coming from?  What about when you’re the one doing the talking and no matter what you say that other person just ‘doesn’t get it’? Well, that’s all down to frame of reference. 

‘So what?’ I hear you cry…well it’s all about helping you get your point across and making it stick.  It might be a change in behaviour, a new routine or just a one off activity you need someone to do – but no matter what it is,  FOR will help.

Picture the scene…you need to get someone to help you out with a task.  For you, it means it’ll get done quicker and you can move on to your next task quicker.  For them it’ll mean more work, however they’ve been looking to get some more experience and if you don’t have to do it all you’ll be less stressed with those around you, and the person you’re going to ask doesn’t perform well when they’re in a stressed environment. You also know that they like to be thanked in a low key way, and are a lover of chocolate.  So, when it comes to asking them to help, which bits do you pull out that will be most influential to get them to help, and keep them on side going forward? I’ll give you some options…
a) ask them to help because it’ll mean you’re less stressed and you can get on with the other things on your list, it’s more work (you want to manage their expectations) but they’ll just have to make time.  The week after, you make a big song and dance in front of a huge group of people with a thank you card.
b) ask them to help because it’ll get them some exposure to something they’re interested in, the environment will be less stressed and you’ll help them work out how to fit it in.  A couple of days later when it’s just the 2 of you around you give them a box of chocs to say thank you.

A or B then?

Spot on – B of course! The ‘helper’ has been talked to in their FOR and more importantly rewarded in their FOR. 

You might be sitting their thinking, ‘this is easy, I do it all the time’ but the harsh light of reality tells a different story.  Looking around I think people do about 50% of the time, but the urge to project our own thoughts or feelings onto someone else takes over.  As giddy as you might feel about the benefits to you, have a heart and think about the other person – they have their own view of the world (FOR) and when it’s challenged resistance can surface.

Give it a go the next time you’re talking to someone about a change you need them to get on board with or an activity – you’ll feel the difference!

Happy framing x

Get with the programme...

...and the programme is relevant feedback!

It's coming up to mid-year review time for many people across the globe, which means only one thing - an influx of feedback requests.  I've blogged in an earlier post (Breakfast of Champions) about some elements of giving feedback, but today I feel the need to put some focus on the 'relevance' of the feedback you are giving, and specifically the timeliness.

As you're completing the 20th request for feedback, have a think to yourself as you're dishing out your thoughts
- when is this feedback from? 
- is it still relevant* for the colleague?
- have I got some recent (and great quality) examples to bring it to life?

*I ask the second question about relevance on purpose, as I think this is the exception to the rule because if the feedback is 12 months old but still something that you think is holding the other person back then you need to say it.

Out of date comments could mean the person a) can't do a thing about it or b) they've worked on it already (and you're not close enough to know)...so now is the time to keep quiet.  It's very flattering to be asked your opinion on how someone is doing and get your input into their development, but do this frustrated questioner a favour - leave your now massaged ego at the door and resist the tempation to type/write/talk about something that happened 18 months ago and hasn't resurfaced since.

There is another side to this, and that is those requesting feedback need to consider who they're asking for input from. Asking people who you've only had a couple of experiences with at best is unlikely to end in quality feedback.  When you're making your list about who to ask, think who can add value and insight for you not just people who you've had a one off positive experience with who will give you a boost.

Quality feedback is few and far between, but little by little we can all make in roads together.

Happy weekend x

Why?

A oldie but a goodie, the simple question of 'why?' Is going to be the focus for my next post.

Whenever I'm coaching or mentoring someone I like to start by understanding what their drivers are - their reason for change, the final straw, the epiphany...or simply just why they want to make a change and or achieve something new.

So here comes my first question - do you ever find yourself starting something and giving up before it's done? Well, that's most likely down to you not having a strong enough reason for making the change - your 'why'.  It's one of my favourite principles coined in Go MAD - The art of making a difference, where Andy Gilbert quotes Fredrick Nietsche who very wisely says that 'a person can bear any what if they have a big enough why'. Insightful hey?

As ever, you're not in it alone though, so if you want to do a review of your whys, here are some questions to help you get clarity:
- what is super important to you?
- what will happen if you don't make the change?
- what motivates you to make a change?
- how are you going to surround yourself  with your motivators?
- what's the plan now?

Don't be hard on yourself if you're giving up on things, you just need to spend some time thinking about your reasons why. If you don't spend time thinking about it...then you can be very hard on yourself!

Happy reviewing x

Time and a place...

We're on the home straight...the final component in a thinking environment is Place - the importance of where you are having your meeting / brain storming session / catch up / heart to heart (delete as appropriate).

We were edging into this component in an earlier post about 'Ease' but now the spotlight is firmly on it, and it's time to ask yourself some questions about the kind of meeting environments you find yourself in as well as creating.

Now here comes a very deliberate leading question...when have you had a conversation in a really inappropriate place?
- what was the conversation about?
- what was the outcome?
- on reflection, did the environment play any part on the outcome?
- why did you have it in that location?
- if you could have the conversation again, where would you have it?

If you can't think of an example, then imagine some of the worst places to have a conversation - what could the impact on a conversation be?

Now let's get positive...where's the perfect place to have a meeting or conversation?  You might now have a list of different locations in your head and probably saying to me 'well it depends on the conversation obviously'...and you'd be quite right but I'm really just getting you to have a good long think about all the possibilities.

The theory behind this is that if someone is in an environment conducive to clear and fresh thinking, where they feel safe and secure they will be at their best (think Maslow's hierarchy of needs, worth a Google if you've not come across it!).  So the next time you're planning a meeting, no matter how impromptu, put some thought into the location or you could be in for an uncomfortable situation.

Happy chatting x