A few posts ago I introduced the idea of a thinking environment from the work of Nancy Kline, so I thought it was about time I go into a bit more depth on them. Nancy talks about 10 components of a thinking environment, and first up....
Attention.
Do you listen with palpable respect?
Paying attention may seem easy - you just make sure you have eye contact, look interested and respond when you need to surely? Well that'll get you so far, but now it's time to take it one step further. The challenge - giving someone attention without interruption.
Interruption will come in different forms - as the listener you might get overrun by different thoughts in your head that distract from the talker, or you might literally interrupt when they're talking. Either way, when those occur it's going to have a negative impact on the other person even if you genuinely think you're helping or it's a way to show you're listening.
If someone thinks they are going to be interrupted they will conduct themselves differently - they might be more cautious, only talk about certain parts of their thinking - and it's likely to be the parts that will provoke the best discussion later on that they won't share because they don't want to get into there and then. There's some research that even suggests when someone gets interrupted their IQ drops!
So how can you help? Well consider these questions before you start 'listen' to someone else:
- is my mind going to be on the conversation?
- what instincts do I need to control?
- how comfortable am to not interrupt? (and therefore how can I increase my comfort?)
- what's the best thing that could happen if I input after the other person has finished talking?
- what's the worst thing that could happen if I input after the other person has finished talking?
You will be able to watch someone else's thinking transform if you give them unadulterated attention...I promise!
Happy listening x
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