It's not you...it's me

No, not a cheesy break up line - but a mindset that I put before you.

The phrase 'we live in a blame culture' is banded around without thought sometimes in my humble opinion.  We say it, we realise it, but what do we actually do about it? 

I hear lots of people talk about an impact somebody else has had on them - good and bad, but it's the bad ones that are met with emotion.  'It's their fault'...'she should have done xxx'...'they've left it to late'...'he hasn't engaged me', quite honestly the list of sentence starters of this ilk that I hear from friends, family and colleagues can get long! 

I've observed it's generally caused by a feeling of being on the back foot, like you haven't been included in something you should be, and quite simply wanting to find the route cause of a fault or understand why something has gone wrong.  We start to cast the net out to find the culprit(s) and can find ourselves laying blame at other people's door...

So I'm going to ask you a question - what could you have done differently?

Now I'm not being provocative or laying any blame at your door (!), but rather than finger pointing and trying to rationalise somebody else's behaviour, why not look at your own?  You know yourself, your drivers, what makes you behave in a certain way, so take advantage of it.  It's a big help if you're trying to remove the emotion out of a situation for yourself.  There will be occasions when quite genuinely somebody else needs to be held account when a mistake has been made, but this is about covering all bases and staying balanced in your view of a situation. 

So, some questions to think about before you put your self reflection into practise...

- What will the impact be on you by asking yourself ‘what could I have done differently'?

- How do you want to record your reflections?

- How can you role model this behaviour to others?

- If your answer is truly 'nothing', what role does empathy need to play for you? 

Happy reflecting!