A little friend of mine (Harry) recently saw this sign, turned to my husband and said 'look - it means that doggies can't put their tails in a fire'. Giggles ensued, but it got me thinking - perspective, and more importantly knowing other people's perspective can be incredibly powerful. If anybody had tried to correct Harry, I wonder how he would have felt?
So what happens when you're trying to work with someone else whose perspective is totally different to your own?
Whenever I'm coaching someone who is going through a challenging time with other people, I'll always find myself asking 'and what do you think the other person is thinking / going through / experiencing?'. It's often a challenge if you don't really know a person to be able to answer a question like that, but that's generally what I want to show someone. If you don't know someone, how can you get the best out of them?
It's a balancing act though - I was once delivering a session about maximising performance and talked about the importance of knowing someone if you're facing into a challenging conversation. I started talking about hints and tips that we're fairly common sense to get people thinking about how they could get to know the people around them. At the end of this section of the course I asked if there were any questions, and I kid you not, someone put their hand up and said 'so should I go around anybody in my department I don't know and ask them to tell me about themselves?' This person was not kidding, and only slightly facetious. I nearly put my head in my hands and questioned my skills a trainer. Onwards and upwards though, and I retorted that it was about being sensible and genuine about it, it's not a competition of how much you know and it needs to be relevant etc etc.
Understanding somebody else's perspective or 'frame of reference' will be important when you're working with them (and particularly if you're landing change) to really make something stick. So here are some questions for you to think about the next time you venture in to working with others (that aren't carbon copies of you):
- where is their head at?
- what previous experience or knowledge do they have with this situation?
- what's in it for them?
- how does your perspective differ to theirs?
- who is best placed to help you get to know their perspective?
This is a starter for 10, I will be exploring 'frame of reference' in relation to change as my blog progresses (and it is my new favourite thing to do!).
Happy perspective hunting x
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