In my line of work, it's said loud and proud that 'feedback is the breakfast of champions' and to be honest I easily went along with that idealism as I was starting out in the big bad world of corporate life. Fast forward a few years, and my take on this statement is raising my next question...why do we listen so attentively to other people's opinion about ourselves?
Don't get me wrong, I think seeing yourself through someone else's eyes can be really powerful - however it can also be soul destroying if the so-called feedback isn't delivered in the right way and in fact irrelevant! I've had a recent experience with someone I trusted and ordinarily valued their opinion, but they caught me off guard with some fairly harsh feedback that might have been relevant 6 months ago, not for now, and even being objective about it I'm not sure it would have been that helpful back then!
I won't lie, my initial reaction was raw emotion and it began to make me question everything that surrounded my working life - my standing at the company I work for, my experience and knowledge...what EVERYBODY else thinks of me. *bring on the personal crisis* I gave myself 4 days to be upset about it. I shared my feelings with a couple of people who thoughtfully pointed out I could choose what to do with the feedback now that I had it, so it got me thinking...do I value this other person's out dated opinion of me more than a) my own and b) lots of other people. I opted for dialling down the negative voice, but not dismissing it completely and I've moved on (no, really I have *slight gritted teeth*)
What is it about other people's opinion that affects our own judgement? I've seen even some of the most secure and controlled people be thrown off kilter because of a few thoughtless words, and it doesn't feel nice to experience or watch.
My advice...feedback really is a great gift to give and I mean that sincerely, it just isn't always a gift you want to receive. Before you venture in to sharing your thoughts on someone with them, have a think about...
- who is it going to benefit? (i.e. you or the other person...think about what the answer should be)
- have you thought through what you want to say?
- is the person in a place to hear it?
- what will the person be able to do with your feedback?
- are you treating them how you want to be treated, or how they want to be treated?
I'll almost definitely be exploring giving and receiving feedback in future blogs, it really faciniates me. For now though, I'll leave you with a plea - next time you head into a 'feedback' conversation, take a second to think about it, you could be making a difference to that person's life, good or bad, that you didn't intend to.
Happy weekend x
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